November 17th Class

“Whose Orgasm is this Anyway? ‘Sex Work’ in Long-term Heterosexual Couple Relationships” by Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden

The authors of this reading are talking about sex work in relationships. The reading asserts that individuals (mostly females) must take part in sex work in order for both parties to be happy. Women tend to seek out the emotional connection with the male in order to get that connection, but sex is a male-dominated activity where the female orgasm is no longer seen by men as necessary.

The authors talk about how there is a sex work involved in marriage. “The dominant male pays no attention to his partner’s sexual needs. (p. 223) That is to say that men are concerned with their own gratification rather than that of their partners as well. It is a one-sided activity where the woman participates in order to keep the men happy. Men must be willing to help a woman achieve orgasm during sex because sex today involves “male domination.” (p. 223) But on some level, women have the power. The article talks about a sexual need for a woman which puts the power in the hands of the woman. Some men feel vulnerable because of their desire for a woman and her control over the sex in the sense that she must agree. Many men also was a “sexually-experienced virgin” which is the idea that a woman is good in bed, yet no discussion of past sexual relationships or experience. (p. 225)

Some couples feel that it is necessary to add outside factors such as pornography, experimentation and masturbation in order to achieve sexual pleasure. Some relationships get into the habit of sex or a certain routine. In order to make sex more interesting, some people (men more than women) bring in pornography into the bedroom in order to get their wives sexually aroused. That is to say that men are completing a form of sex work by displacing their responsibility to perform sex work and physically please their wives, by using porn. This can be a turn on or a turn off depending on the relationship and the stage to which this relationship has progressed. Many individuals must also masturbate because of the lack of sexual satisfaction in their relationships. Some men said that it was better to do this than cheat on their wives.

One woman commented saying that there was a “brick wall.” This wall is that there is a certain level of resentment in her because of her sexual activity with her husband. Her relationship was disappointing physically and emotionally. Some couples turn to periods of celibacy or affairs in order to attempt to fix their own sexual frustrations.

In my opinion, I think that a relationship is about give and take. In order for both individuals to be happy, there needs to be a balance. If one person is achieving orgasm, there is no reason for the other person not to. Sex tends to be male dominated, but that does not mean that it cannot be fun and enjoyable for both parties. But in order to ensure this, both individuals in the relationship need to be open about discussion of their problems or frustrations which will lead to a better relationship. Nowadays sex is so present in the media and all around us, there should no longer be a stigma when talking about sex openly.

“‘Stepford wives’ and ‘hollow men’?”

by Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden

This reading deals with the emotion work done by men and women in the realm of marriage. There is the idea that many women become “Stepford wives” meaning that they tend to learn to tend to whatever the family needs or the needs of their husbands without really being aware that they are losing sight of what they personally want or need. Men are usually seen as being emotionless and not prone to doing emotion work as it is associated with what women tend to do around the home and pertaining to children and family.

This article talks about how both individuals need to manage how they feel as to how they think they “ought” to feel. (p. 212) Men are seen as being masculine “characteristically in the role of looking tough and being control.” (p. 213) That is to say that men tend to stay away from talking about their feelings and performing emotion work. “In their couple relationships, women say they try to make men talk openly about their feelings and confront their problems partly for men’s own peace of mind but also to promote the sense of intimacy they themselves value.” (p. 213) This shows that more women tend to value that intimate emotional connection that the “hollow” man.

Men do complete emotion work even though they are seen as “emotionally remote.” (p. 214) They tend to think of themselves in one was as being tough and masculine so when their ideals are violated (as given in the example of the man who could not achieve an erection in bed) they tend to try and sort out emotional problems within their own heads. That is to say that men’s emotion work takes on a role within the individual, meaning that men fix their own emotion problems through self-examination. These efforts are often supported by the women in their relationships.

The author also discusses the idea of the loss of authenticity. That is to say that many individuals forego their own emotional authenticity by giving in to what others want and changing themselves in order to perform this emotion work. This is shown in the idea of “flip-syndrome” where individuals shave a certain surface ideology but underneath feel something completely different about the emotion work that they perform.

In my opinion, I think compromising self and changing are what is entailed in a relationship and especially in creating a family. When dealing with my girlfriend, for example, she expects me to feel a certain way or say how I feel. And she is a very emotional person, as she loves to talk about her feelings. I, on the other hand, hate it, but will compromise for her in order to make sure that she is happy. I think that emotion work is part of a the compromise that individuals must have in order to ensure that both individuals in a couple are happy.

“What’s Wrong with Prostitution? What’s Right with Sex Work? Comparing Markets in Female Sexual Labor” by Elizabeth Bernstein

This article puts into question what exactly is wrong with prostitution and what are various views of hoe certain groups of individuals view prostitution. Most feminists call for a change in the laws regarding prostitution and deem them to be “unsatisfactory.” (p. 92) This study also stems from the fieldwork that the author completed in San Francisco working with prostitutes to uncover what she was researching.

The author asserts that many individuals do not really know what prostitution really is. It is something that is not really well understood since it is seen as a taboo in our society, many people do not want to get too close to it in order to study what it is like for these men and women that take part in it. She also covers a couple different perspectives on prostitution. The first is the radical feminist that says that “sexuality is at the root of all forms of gender inequality and sexual objectification is key to women’s subjection.” (p. 96) Women are being objectified during prostitution and this perpetuates the inequality that we see mirrored in our society. Pro-Sex Feminists see this as just “sex work.” This means that individuals should be seen as any other workers. They should be allowed to sell their bodies in whatever way they deem necessary.

The author then compares the different ‘classes’ of prostitutes. That is to say that there is a hierarchy in the world of prostitution which dictates where you stand in order to find work, what you wear, who you report to and how much you get paid. In the high-class area, women could potentially make hundreds of dollars a night due to the clientele that they interact with. On the other hand, the less high-class prostitutes are working in shadier areas for far less money. They go to jail often, they risk being beaten or hurt physically, they get paid little in comparison and do not have the protection of anyone. These prostitutes tend to be teens through their thirties but most only work for a couple of years at a time.

COYOTE is a group of individuals fighting for the rights of prostitutes. Though the majority of these individuals are not streetwalkers and claim that they would never partake in such an activity, they do not represent all prostitutes. They tend to be dancers, masseuses, escorts, exotic dancers, etc. The group itself calls for separating themselves form the stigma that is associated with this type of work and changing the name from prostitute to “sex worker” which has certain implications about it. The term sex worker seeks to make it seem like a more legitimate job. These individuals claim to be empowered and pleasured by their sexual activities. Also, the members of COYOTE are not exactly what you would think they would be. Many are college graduates or educated in some way, yet they chose this lifestyle.

The final form of prostitution that is covered in this article is the idea of exchanging drugs for sex. Many of these women are vulnerable individuals that depend on the drugs that they need. They know that the chance of them being raped or murdered is there, but yet, they go about their business because they need the drugs.

In my opinion, I think prostitution can be a very destructive and dangerous occupation. And though it is stigmatized and there are certain implications that people tend to associate with the prostitute, I really do not understand why the government can illegalize it for the sole reason that it is their own bodies and people can do with them what they want. That being said, if it were to be legalized, I think that model somewhat like that in Amsterdam would be necessary where prostitutes are drug-tested every week and there are certain criteria for being one.

“Sex Work for the Middle Classes”

by Elizabeth Bernstein

This article deals with the idea as to why are middle class women now participating in sex work. In order to answer this question, the author talks about postindustrial society. Women are often discriminated against for certain jobs that their male counterparts receive with similar education. There is inherent inequality in the United States in the job market between genders and middle class white women may see this an opportunity to get more money. There is high pay in the sex industry but there are stigmas attached to this kind of work.

The reading notes the experiences of many individuals who chose to enter into sex work. Many of which chose it for monetary reasons as their jobs were not paying enough money. Surprising to me though, many of the women were well-educated. This shows that sex work is not only a job of the poor, drug-addicted woman, but that many individuals from various socioeconomic backgrounds can now participate in this kind of work. It pertains to the new petite bourgeoisie which was a term coined be Bourdieu who came up with the idea of cultural and social capita.

The internet and new technology has been able to foster relationships between different sex workers. It can act as a way for sex workers to advertise what they do while sharing experiences with other sex workers. It acts a system of support for sex workers while connecting each other to one another in order to help foster their business and build up their clientele.

There have also been attempts to make the job seem more professional. Groups of individuals that try to do this make sure that they go over certain things such as protection and safe-sex methods, different ideas on how to go about business, and other lectures to make their work seem more legitimate. Though for the most part this work is illegal, they try to legitimize their own work and bring meaning to something with such a stigma by bringing a professional aspect to the work itself.

Also, the last section is about the idea of an attempt on the part of sex workers as well as their clientele to foster real relationships while performing the act. One prostitute talks about how she refuses to do certain things which in turn empowers her by only having clients that perform the way she wants to. In turn, that empowers her because she is equally as pleasured by the sex as she is.

In my opinion, I think this phenomenon is not that strange. Most individuals want to get as much out of what they do as possible. These individuals can have autonomy (or not) depending on if they want to find their own clientele, they can perform in the manner in which they choose, they report to no one, and they get paid relatively high pay in exchange for these sexual acts. The price they pay is one full of stigma and one full of low-status, which has individuals may look down on sex work in this way. These individuals are taking advantage of what they have in order to economically benefit themselves.